So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
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