I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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