THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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