White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
