I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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