Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
