why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
