im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
