i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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