After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize