Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
