I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
