Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
