Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
