What did we do last night that was yellow?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
