capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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