I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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