I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
