Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
