gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm like, not good at living.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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