She went from zero to smokin in five shots
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I love you.
Bad choice
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
