I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
