Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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