I should be sponsored by Trojan
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
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