Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
