Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
