margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
