Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
My ass is underappreciated
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
