this just has baby written all over it
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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