never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
