You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
