I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize