I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
