Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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