If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
