this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
