im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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