The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
When did angry sex become our thing?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
