I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
