omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
