No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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