Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
