did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Come see our sink grown plant.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
