sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
And then the night went full on bisexual.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
