Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize