I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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