my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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