I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
