this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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