I'm going to jail i love you
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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