My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
