I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
i need some magic done to my vagina
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
