my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
