hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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