how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
