Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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