He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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