WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
