she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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