Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
