I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
