I feel like abortions should bother me more
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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