you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
