Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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