I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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