He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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