Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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