Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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