She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
